Book Review: Buchi Emecheta - Head Above Water.

What happens when the kids are gone...

I hope this isn't spoiling this book. Who spoils biographies anyway? LOL.

Nnu-ego in Buchi Emecheta's Joys of Motherhood is the exact replica of one too many women in Nigeria and all over the world. In the book, she dies by the roadside while her eight children, all grown up, live their lives. Not that they do not love their mother, they do. They are simply busy. Does this sound familiar?

Anyone who loves to read works by Buchi Emecheta would know that seperating her writing from her life is a difficult task. She has her life all over her works (she once said it took so long for her to notice that writing that way made her seem 'vulnerable') that's why it is no suprise that at the time she was writing Joys of Motherhood, she had has a fight with her first daughter, Chielo and had fallen so sick after, her children thought she'd die. She, Buchi, was shocked and so were her children. She realized she had never really taken time to indulge in herself and notice patterns that were detrimental to her health. To her kids, her ill-health came as a shocker- their indestructible mother was human after all. This meant she could die.

Back to the background story. In Joys of Motherhood, there's a sharp contrast between Nnu-ego and Adaku (her co-wife). While Nnu-ego slaves away for her husband and sons and is the 'model wife', Adaku who has just daughters is villified for her independence and how much she pays attention to herself. Infact, all women who resemble Adaku in some way, are at the centre of other characters' criticism in the novel. It takes Nnu-ego's children growing up to lead busy lives for her to really envy the beauty in the lives of women like Adaku and Mama Aby.

Mama Aby is not left out. She's the mother whose children do their best to repay her love by making her comfortable but there's a downside. They're continents away and never present. The comfort they provide covers up for their absence because Mama Abby is comfortable.

In Second Class Citizen, the protagonist is a sore sight, not in personality but in the situations she finds herself. Again, she's the slave, the ever-present parent, the one who hardly ever speaks up but is strong-willed. Luckily, this story doesn't end at all (if you follow this series, you get to find out why).

How come we're doing a review of Head Above Water and I have so much to say about other works? Like I mentioned earlier, Buchi Emecheta's writings are mirrors of her life as a mother of five, Igbo and black, living in England. All the protagonists in her works about motherhood have all of her in it. This is why her auto-biography is honest, very honest and serves as an explanation for a lot of ideas that may confuse you.

I've taken out time to talk to my mom about self-care and indulgence, I know a lot of women ,but if my Mom is any indication, it's not working. Although I think it's unhealthy, she thinks it's the 'mother life'. Even Buchi Emecheta says, "In that book, I said the joys of motherhood was a befitting burial."

So let's discuss, what happens to parents after children are all grown-up? At what point do you think sacrifice as a mother (read parent) should end and where does self-indulgence come in? A lot of parents wait for their kids to move out before they begin to invest in their relationships. Do you think they need some sort of shocker to make them realize how much of persons they are? Finally, at what point as a person did you begin to see your parents as persons and not just 'mom' and 'dad'.

Let's discuss and oh, you're free to cite examples (book characters would be great examples).

You can join the discussion on Instagram @gushing_torrents.

Tag: Book, book review, women, Buchi Emecheta,African writer